you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i wish my penis had a tongue
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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