i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
