you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
