this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Randomize
