What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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