Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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