No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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