there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
