It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
