guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Randomize
