i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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