can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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