my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can't turn off my feet"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
