my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
