He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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