wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The air taste purple.
Randomize
