I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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