I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
