god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
