Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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