Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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