You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
