I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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