It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
ttyl tear gas
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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