If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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