he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
