lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
