I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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