paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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