I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
