I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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