Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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