Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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