I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
