Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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