If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
