I just pynch a tree in the face
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize