dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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