At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
