Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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