Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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