filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
