I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
