mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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