I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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