Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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