Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
