How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
