Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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