Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I stole a fireplace last night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You were trust falling into bushes
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
