Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
