I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
