capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
