I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
