Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When are your genitals available?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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