I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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