Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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