so that wasnt chicken after all
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
