I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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