i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
