We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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