Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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