Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
