Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
