She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
