I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
