Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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