you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you traded sex for a burrito?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
