Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
