woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
