Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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