so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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