I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
