a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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